is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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