I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize