Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So here I am, sexting at work.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
