whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
