meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
