so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
