smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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