her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my sisters under your porch take her home
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
