Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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