also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize