totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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