I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
