so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
