he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
