You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
