i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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