there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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