Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
