a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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