Kiss
Puke
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
