her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
