I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
