3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
