ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
