my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Four minutes until I can fart!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
