So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Princesses don't give blow jobs
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize