Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize
