They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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