Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
