Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
