Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
