So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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