Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize