I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
