We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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