I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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