Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
