I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
