yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
