if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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