Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
