I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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