Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
