It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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