The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
