everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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