Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
