I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
