it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
