I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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