I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
