my mouth tastes like poor choices
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So much Jack, so little girl.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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