I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he fucked my hip out of place.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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