Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
