Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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