I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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