Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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