I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
