I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
