who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
