I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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