If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
