I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
