Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
