your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
