Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
