Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
