This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
