I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I still have a little drunk in my system
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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