It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
