i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
