LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
