If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
