Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
40s are totally the cure
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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