I looked at my own cervix.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
