Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
