I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
