I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
