You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
