Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
