How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
do herpes really smell.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
