I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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