I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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