woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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