I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
