I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This house was built for laser tag.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize