The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
