Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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