I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
