i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Text me some of your sweat
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
