I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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