She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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