Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
