The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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