he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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