So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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