It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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