you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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