I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
