i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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