If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
