there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
