Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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