I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
