It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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