IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
