so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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